Mayo

The other night, I stayed up past my bedtime.

It was almost 11pm when I found myself whirring together golden egg yolks with lemon juice, salt and cracked pepper, and slowly drizzling pungent, new, greeny-yellow organic olive oil into the bowl of my food processor. Quarter-sized, gluten-free shrimp cakes sizzled on the stove behind me, first defrosting--then warming and crisping.

The cakes were my muse that night. They were on sale at New Season's for $2.99/box. I bought two boxes, then went back for four more. "Serve with aoili" read the back of the Mediterranean-Shrimp-with-Garlic-and-Oregano box. I had to have it.

I poured my oil straight from its new green glass bottle. Until the slurpy squishy sounds of emulsification sang from the plastic container, I worried I'd poured too much. Or too fast. But, as always, the mixture thickened up. It stopped spattering and started squishing, sucking, under the spinning blades.

Different housemates came home at different stages of this easy process. They knit their eyebrows together and shook their heads a little. I know I'm a little strange. Not many 22 year olds make homemade mayonnaise on a whim. They don't know what they're missing out on.

I ate my shrimp cakes. All eight of them. With lots of mayo. (It always used to gross me out when people dipped things in mayonnaise. Kinda like when people dip things in Ranch. I'm not talking turkey slices or baby carrots, but french fries, pizza, corn dogs--you name it. I think I'd probably have grossed myself out, if I'd had to watch me and my shrimp.) I didn't have any garlic in the house (!!!), so I was going to fake the aioli with garlic powder... but I opted out and enjoyed myself immensely anyway.

Homemade Mayonnaise

I've used different recipes at different times, for more or less the same result. Now (it's what, my third time?) I freestyle it. My mayo went something like this.

Note: Using Extra Virgin Olive Oil results in a mayonnaise that tastes a bit like, well, EVOO. Some sources recommend lighter oils... I don't chance them.

One whole, organic egg
One organic egg yolk
(egg white reserved, to be dropped by fork tines
into boiling broth for breakfast)
a generous pinch of salt
a few grinds of pepper
a splash of vinegar
(white rice? apple cider? I think I used red wine)
and/or a squeeze of lemon

Combine in the food processor, running in the ON position until the yolks are slightly lightened and a little foamy, about 30 seconds. I'm told that blenders and Kitchen Aids work, too, and that hand whisking has the best results. But... I use my beloved Cuisinart.

Slowly (sloooowly) drizzle in, drop by drop

1-2 cups Organic, Cold Press, Extra Virgin Olive Oil.

Keep the motor running, and the oil drizzling. I think I used about a cup and a half of oil for this batch? With enough patience and oil, the mixture should thicken right up.

Try it. You probably won't ever go back to Miracle Whip--or whatever the hydrogenated sandwhich spread of your youth was.